Letting yourself win > spreading yourself thin 🙌🏾

Hey guys,

Am I the only one who almost always feels as though there’s just not enough of me to go around?

At the moment, my main priority and job role is raising my son to the best of my ability. As the primary caregiver, a lot of the daily decision-making and responsibilities fall onto my shoulders. From laundry, to mealtimes, constantly researching into new activities to keep him both occupied and educated at the same time, researching into the best methods to tackle any difficult areas surrounding him reaching specific milestones — honestly the list goes on and on and on …. 😫

That, and the never ending list of household chores that need doing! Also, as fulfilling as motherhood can be and how blissfully happy I am with my life, it definitely does not begin and end with being a mother!

Don’t get me wrong at all, I completely adore my son and my partner is an amazing Dad and team player. He is extremely hands on and we work so well together and find strengths in the others’ weaknesses and all that jazz — but he works full-time so he physically can’t be equally as involved in everything that I am. That and he’s so laidback he makes a recliner look uptight!

So, after a hectic day of chasing after a much more adorable but competitively wild version of the Tasmanian devil (the child’s energy just does not cease), I am usually pooped. All I want to do is unwind with a lovely shower and either zone out and catch up with my favourite TV shows, or get stuck into a good book, although the majority of the time I am completely content with being able to switch off and do absolutely nothing when the opportunity presents itself (however fleetingly it may be)!

But wait, there’s still more…

I still have goals and aspirations. In my ‘free time’ (what’s that?), I do my best to keep on top of my blog, which is a lot easier said than done a lot of the time. Take this post for example, I wrote the first draft for this post at the beginning of the month and I’m only now squeezing in time to edit it whilst my son has his nap.

I used to get so hung up on setting myself a goal of when I would post but then get frustrated if I was unable to stick to the commitment. It was a mixture of always feeling I had to overthink what I was going to write about and trying to evenly spread the frequency of the updates; however now I’ve settled on writing when inspiration strikes and getting my thoughts down before the sand timer runs out or my brain turns to mush from sleep deprivation — whichever comes first.

Funnily enough, when you have a young child, even something like being able to successfully finish the book you started 3 months prior is achieving a goal, or even something as minuscule as stealing 15 minutes peace (and mustering up the energy) to fit in a bit of exercise. This may sound silly, especially to those who have never experienced it, but especially when everything is so intense and we have limited places to go and things to do to keep our children entertained and pass the hours in the day, most of the time you feel like a performing monkey, so any small win cannot go unnoticed!

Sometimes I honestly do feel like I try to be all things to everyone, which is an unrealistic pressure that I am guilty of putting entirely on myself. I just strive to be my absolute best self and I can be so critical when I don’t match up to these unfair and unrealistic expectations, especially as a mother.

Alternatively, instead of adding another draining thing to the never ending to-do list, what if we started to adopt the mindset of focusing on excelling at the essential tasks at hand (however we choose to categorise them) and leaving the energy we have left over to focus wholeheartedly on our self-care. Now that’s a to-do list I can get down with!

Everyone’s self-care to-do list will look very different but even if it is something as simple as reading a few chapters of a book each evening, catching up with your favourite TV shows, having an uninterrupted shower or meal or anything (shoutout to all the parents out there lol!), completing a workout, whatever you need!

Don’t spread yourself thin and run yourself ragged because it will just result in a bad case of burn-out, leaving you unable to complete even the most basic of tasks.

If I’ve said this once, I’ll say it a thousand times for the people way in the back 👋🏽; reassess your priorities and make a conscious decision to cut back on any of the things that you tell yourself you need to do that you really can do without and make more time for the things you actually need for the good of your mental and physical health and well-being!

Thanks for reading guys,

Vicky ✌🏽 xo

Lockdown 2.0 – say it ain’t so!

Hey guys,

I’ve been trying to put finger to keyboard to come up with something inspirational to say for weeks now, but understandably I’ve been feeling rather uninspired. My wavering motivation to write has been so terrible, I’ve literally been sitting on this blog post for almost a month now — 😧!

Surely I’m not alone in my view that lockdown 2.0 was inevitable. What did anybody expect to happen with the government pulling us this way and that, enticing everyone outside with ‘Eat Out to Help Out’ deals and reopening non-essential shops, although this second coming of the lockdown life was purported to be ‘inescapable’ from before the first lockdown had even come to an end?

Putting all of that to one side, regardless as to whether we did or did not see this coming, or our conspiracy theories on what we believe is going on behind the scenes — it is what it is.

How long can we reasonably be expected to “stay strong” and “remain positive” when no matter what some of us do to try and push forward, it’s like anchors have been attached to both of our feet and we’re doomed to sink despite our best efforts of trying to stay afloat in amongst all of this mayhem?!

It’s safe to say that we are all starting to feel a bit mad at this point and really, who can blame us? This is insanity. Also I don’t know about you but I’m not liking the catchphrase now being coined: ‘the new normal’…

No matter what becomes of the world as we know it, or what further restrictions (if possible) they decide to impose, you will never catch me accepting this stifling and oppressive way of living as ‘normal’. Many adjectives spring to mind when I think of the current lifestyle we have all been forced to adopt, normal is definitely not one of them!

Of course, I am not deliberately trying to be pessimistic as that is never my intention and definitely not in relation to my blog posts, but in all honesty, lately I’ve been feeling like I’m running out of steam!

That said, I’m forever trying to be mindful and count my blessings and acknowledge all of the good things that I do still have in my life, despite restrictions being put on my freedom, but it’s got to the point now where something’s got to give!

The most frustrating part is, of course I don’t want to give into the negative thoughts we’re undoubtedly all battling with and I would always choose positivity and optimism above everything else, but when you are faced with down days; it’s very difficult to want to talk to other people about how you’re feeling because although we are all living through a pandemic, life still looks very different from one person to the next.

What I mean is, some people are back on furlough; some people have been made redundant; some people are still going into their place of work on a daily basis; some people are working from home. Furthermore, some people live at home with their parents, some people have children, some people live alone – the list could go on and on but by now you catch my drift.

With this in mind, if Sandra and Steve are two friends, but Steve has been made redundant and Steve now hates having to work from home, he’s hardly going to have a moan to a now jobless Sandra and rub salt into her wounds!

Of course, there’s no denying that these are unprecedented times for us all, but what’s even more difficult is how differently we have each been impacted, which in turn makes it hard to know where best to turn for moral support.

However, one thing that has helped me to stay focused on what’s important, is blocking out all of the white noise. Now more than ever, many of us may find ourselves leaning on social media as a form of escapism from the monotony we are now faced with. As a result, we are getting sidetracked with what others are doing, how much they claim to be ‘thriving’ and also how unaffected they supposedly are as a result of lockdown after lockdown.

Regardless of whether what we are seeing is true or false, it is very damaging for us to focus our energy longing to follow in the footsteps of others. It is important to stay grounded in our own realities, to not compare ourselves to other people whose situations are completely different to our own, and to not diminish our own sense of self-worth or allow our self-belief to waver because we aren’t currently able to feel at our best due to circumstances beyond our control.

On the plus side, for residents of the UK, it has now been announced that some restrictions will be lifted during the festive period (from December 23rd-27th), to allow 3 households to form a ‘bubble’ together (excluding in public places). So at least there is hope of being able to spend some quality time with loved ones for a while and having some semblance of a ‘normal’ Christmas celebration!

Lord knows it is much-needed after the year we’ve all had!

Thanks for reading guys,

Vicky ✌🏽 xo

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Reflect and realign.

Hey guys!

I’m really trying to maintain this regular blog updating life, so before I end up falling back into my old habit of ‘not finding the time’ (although a truly legitimate claim), I thought I would make the time.

Honestly, unless you’ve had children yourself, you will never truly understand just how rushed off of your feet a 10 month old baby can have you — especially during a pandemic, with limited ways to break up your day, but we make the time for the things we love and we move 👏🏾.

Understandably, so far, the lockdown life has had its fair share of ups and downs for us all! As with anything in life, if we are being realistic, then highs and lows are inevitable. We have all been forced outside of our respective comfort zones in one way or another and our current day-to-day is likely to be looking very different to what we were previously accustomed to.

Some of us have been following government guidelines to the letter, some of us may have altered them slightly to better suit our circumstances, and some people are in full-blown gangsters paradise mode and have decided not only to do their own thing, but that it’s only right to keep all of their social media platforms updated with a play-by-play of their every treacherous move 👀.

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Regardless of which of the above categories relates to you and your circumstances, I think it’s fair to say that everyone’s mental health has been through somewhat of beating – ranging from feeling like we’ve just been shoved about a bit, to some of us now feeling as though we’ve been through 12 rounds with Tyson Fury!

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On the plus side, things seem to be starting to slowly move forward. I don’t want to use the term ‘back to normal’ as I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s of the mindset that normality as we know it, is no more.

It has been announced that non-essential shops are due to start reopening in the next few weeks. Also, Boris Johnson has announced that from Monday we can meet in groups of up to 6 people from different households, in outdoor settings, including private gardens (woop woop!). There have even been whispers of the phased re-opening of pub gardens in the coming weeks (oo-er).

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At least that gives us all something to look forward to. Especially for those of us who have actually been keeping our distance (no shade), but we more than most, are dying to make contact with our wider social circle and remind ourselves that people do exist outside of our own four walls; and not just the people we see moving shiftily an additional 5 metres (on top of the recommended 2 metres); away from us in the park, or on our weekly trip to the supermarket for essentials 🙄😂.

On another note, one thing that has not sat well with me during this time, are the multitude of memes/quotes floating around with words to a similar effect to:

Whoever checked in on you during lockdown makes you realise who your real friends are, those who didn’t obviously don’t care.’

Various people across social media

I definitely do not agree with this sentiment. Covid-19 has turned everybody’s lives upside down and inside out, all at the same time. Nobody has known whether they are coming or going during recent months.

It is completely unfair to project our feelings of insecurity and uncertainty onto others, and either imply or assume that it is someone else’s job (from an entirely different household from you at that), to constantly check up on you to ensure that you are okay.

Don’t get me wrong, this is definitely not to say that we shouldn’t touch base with loved ones when we can. But there seems to be a common assumption amongst certain people (hopefully a minority) that they are owed special attention.

In addition, there is also the misconception that everybody is on the same page. Not to harp on with the Mum card, but I can only speak for my own circumstances. For me, despite having a great ethic of teamwork within my household and an extremely supportive partner, our days are very much occupied with our beautiful son. Therefore, flippant comments such as, ‘well since you have all of this free time now’ and ‘I’m sure you can find the time to do x, y and z’, don’t apply to us.

For parents, especially of younger children, reality is making it through each day and stealing the odd sacred moment to yourself, then being so knackered by the time your child goes to bed that there is only a limited time before you are forced do the same!

Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and lockdown for me, despite the general ups and downs we’ve all been facing, it’s been great spending time with my little family. Getting back to my original point; although I make a conscious effort to find the time to check in with friends and family and vice versa, none of us are obligated to do so.

We are all just getting by the best that we can, and just as before the Coronavirus pandemic, our daily lives all look very different. None of us truly know the impact the lockdown has had on others, so it’s not fair or productive to sit and stew in negative energy assuming that people have not reached out because they don’t care. Plus as always, maintaining relationships works both ways and for the friendships built on a strong foundation, we should know it’s all love without the need to be constantly reminded.

It’s so easy for us all to get inside of our own heads, but sometimes it’s worth taking a step back and having a breather – usually everything begins to look a lot brighter.

Thanks for reading guys.

Vicky ✌🏽 xo

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Always keep it 100!

There is no secret recipe for eternal happiness, and whilst we are encouraged to try endless techniques that are said to improve our mindset and lift our mood — we have to be realistic and take every day as it comes. Sometimes if we’re not feeling it, it’s literally as simple as that!

On a serious note, last week was a really tough week for me emotionally. My emotions were all over the place, ranging from: uncertainty; frustration and loneliness to anger that I was even feeling any of those things in the first place — because I should have been ‘strong’ enough’ to maintain a positive mindset.

However, in reality, life is unpredictable and nothing is promised, including the way we may be feeling from one day to the next.

We are always told to ‘think positive’ and that we are the masters of the energy we emit versus the energy we attract. Although, this is largely true, above all else, we owe it to ourselves to be true to how we are feeling at any given moment in time.

If we’re not feeling great, then we shouldn’t feel pressured to fake it. It is healthier to express our emotions, than to repress them and pretend like everything is fine when it’s not.

Sometimes all we need is a little help from our friends. So, instead of trying to take on the world and breaking our backs attempting to carry it’s weight around on our shoulders – what if we swallow our pride and let go of the stigma that showing emotions makes us weak?

We should stop putting pressure on ourselves to maintain the illusion that we are happy all day every day, and whenever we’re not feeling good, we should have no qualms about reaching out to somebody we love and trust, to talk it all out.

Especially during times where we are at a physical distance, it’s so important for our mental health that we remain vocal and open about how we’re feeling, and most importantly: STAY CONNECTED!

Thanks for reading guys,

Vicky ✌🏽 xo

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