Compete only with yourself!

Hey guys 👋🏽,

The last couple of weeks have been somewhat of a chaotic blur! In all honesty, I can’t actually remember everything that has transpired (the Groundhog Day theme continues), but I can say with some certainty that it has mostly consisted of a stream of sleep-deprived nights with a teething toddler also adjusting to ‘British Summer Time’, followed by days of muddling through in a dream-like daze; tapping into what can only be energy reserves deeply rooted within the furthermost corner of my subconscious!

Bearing this in mind, it’s fair to say that I haven’t always felt like writing, or doing much of anything that requires too much strength or concentration. Of course this is outside of the non-negotiable tasks of making sure my Son is fed, watered and thoroughly entertained because God forbid I take a five minute reprieve. Oh, and let’s not forget the general (apparently never-ending) work involved in helping my household to stay afloat.

I have tried finishing this post many times over the last week, to no avail. Partly due to general life getting in the way, as well as the fact that I was suffering with awful (albeit intermittent) migraines from Sunday-Wednesday, so I had to use my rare windows of clarity to push through and get a final draft finished before the next bought kicked in!

Now without further ado, let’s get into it…

On the whole, I pride myself on being the queen of resisting the urge to compare myself to other people. I generally do my best not to compete or measure my self-worth, success or the stage of life I’m at as a comparison to others. Rather, I find it more beneficial to take a look at where I currently am at in my own life, compared with my starting point.

Don’t get me wrong, whilst I can honestly say that this is how I operate a good 90-95% of the time. It is extremely unrealistic for anyone to expect to maintain this mindset 100% of the time!

We all have moments of self-doubt and uncertainty. Whilst we are genuinely happy for the successes of those around us, sometimes we can’t help but feel like we are lagging behind in some way. Even if we are not making a direct comparison; seeing others obtaining and achieving things that we desire can make us grow impatient and intensify the longing we already have to achieve certain goals. In the process it may also cause us to lose sight of our continued progress. It can make us grow restless and as a result the steps we must take to make our dreams become a reality suddenly seem too tedious to bear.

Dawdling down this destructive path can also cause us to lose sight of the stark differences our circumstances may have to the next persons. This only further highlights how irrelevant and unhelpful comparing ourselves is in the first place.

If you follow my blog then you will already be aware that I was made redundant last year due to the Coronavirus pandemic. Prior to this I was on maternity leave for a year. It has been extremely difficult finding a new job due to the current climate, as many people are now out of work and looking for employment wherever they can get it, so it’s been extremely competitive — not to mention the fact that I am now not as flexible as many others as I have a young child to take care of.

Fortunately, I have recently secured a new job role with hours that suit around my partner’s perfectly. I don’t have to be away from my Son too much, but it gives me some semblance of my old normality back and something for myself. Not to mention it provides us with some much-needed financial stability and after many months of feeling stuck in a bit of rut, I finally feel like my life can move forward and I can plan for the future (as much as is currently possible) and adjust to juggling work life and Mum life.

I’m definitely very much a glass half-full kind of gal. So despite feeling like life has been throwing a multitude of set-backs my way over the last year or so, I am definitely one to just keep smiling through it and looking to the bright side regardless, but I am only human and just like everyone else, I do have my down days. Although anyone who knows me well would agree that I am generally very self-assured and focused on my own path, naturally my self-belief had started to waver slightly, wondering: will I ever get a job again? Feeling like I would fall behind my peers with no hope of catching up were some of my fleeting thoughts among other similar themes of self-doubt.

That said, I feel like my new job opportunity has come at the perfect time. It has helped me to snap out of my fallacious funk for a number of reasons and reminded me yet again to trust in the process and keep my mind focused firmly on my own journey. Of course the most immediate reaction was that it offers my family more financial stability, but it also really helped to put things into perspective because in truth; my life is absolutely fantastic!

Like many other people, the last year has been challenging for my little family and left us in a position of uncertainty. Despite this, I always try to remind myself that I have been blessed with so much and still have a great deal to be thankful for.

We all have our gripes and whilst I may not be the richest or most successful person I know, I definitely have something in my life that many people can only ever dream of finding; pure honest-to-goodness happiness!

Thanks for reading guys,

Vicky ✌🏽 xo

For the love of it.

Hey everyone,

Somewhere along the lines, I feel I lost my way as a writer and some of the elements of my writing I used to take particular pride in e.g. spontaneity and personality seem to be missing at times too.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a self-deprecating post — definitely not my style. I’m also not going to delve into anything too heavy either. But I’ve let myself forget one of the things I love most about writing; when you write the world is literally your oyster. It’s not always about writing to motivate or inspire others, or because you think you have all of the answers.

At times, I’ve found myself on the verge of writers’ block, or not writing as frequently as I would like due to an irrational fear that I had nothing ‘interesting’ or ‘important’ enough to say and therefore people won’t want to hear from me until something ‘fascinating’ comes up. But then I remembered, as appreciative as I always am to even have one reader, I started writing as an outlet for myself; so by that logic anything I am compelled to write about is worth putting out there, even if it’s just to feel a sense of accomplishment within myself and no one ends up reading it at all.

So here I am, meme-free and utterly me — writing simply for the love of it. Moving forward, I want to be able to share more of my fleeting and random thoughts as well as the more meaningful ones.

On the note of randomness, has anyone else been experiencing some wacky dreams lately, or is it just me? To elaborate, as is often the case with dreams, there is generally a small window in which you are able to piece the narrative together. Sometimes even within mere minutes of waking up the seemingly unforgettable images that plagued your unconscious mind have vanished without a trace.

Luckily, this is not the case with one bizarrely comical dream that has featured this week. A few days ago now, I dreamt that my neighbour had a bulldozer operating autonomously outside of her house. For some inexplicable reason, I was certain that this bulldozer was specifically set up to swing against her front windows and that my home was not the desired target. Despite this fact, because I live in a maisonette every time the bulldozer made contact with my neighbours part of the building my whole flat shook as though a mini earthquake had hit! This in turn caused me to wail in horror, petrified that our house was going to be demolished, tragically leaving our lifeless corpses in its wake.

With an immediacy that could only ever occur within your wildest imaginings; out of completely nowhere, the bulldozer morphed into a Tyrannosaurus Rex 🦖 who became hell-bent on targeting my front window now instead of my apparently unseasoned neighbours and began to let out its signature spine-chilling roar every time it shoved its hideous head in front of my window!

Understandably I began to screech in fright (yet again) trying to awaken my partner to tell him we were in grave danger, but unfortunately the odds were stacked against me as I was experiencing sleep paralysis. My limbs slumped mockingly on the bed as if they were tied to lead balloons making it painfully clear that any attempt to move them was in vain. When my partner finally came around, he was aggravatingly and more-so puzzlingly unfazed and sleepily rolled back over with a non-committal assurance that there was ‘no need to worry’.

That’s all I remember before waking up.

Isn’t it strange how realistic dreams can feel whilst we’re still in the midst of all of the mayhem? Especially when we are playing the role of ourselves and the setting is our everyday environment!

The following day (in the real world), first thing in the morning, I made a point to reassure my partner of my well-being and that he need not worry about any cries for help he may have heard in the night, only to be greeted by a dumbfounded expression and confirmation that there were in fact no screams to be heard. At this point, I truly felt like I was starring in the film Inception and that I was in a dream within a dream and struggling to decipher whether I was even back in reality or still sleeping.

Maybe even as I write this post I am still dreaming….what a spooky thought 👻 💭

It’s worth reminding ourselves that sometimes there isn’t always a deeper reason or explanation behind something. More often than not, a dream really is just a dream. Likewise, it’s absolutely fine to do something sheerly because it makes us happy and we enjoy doing it.

Thanks for reading guys,

Vicky ✌🏽 xo

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What are your priorities?

Until I am a Mum myself, I will never understand how Mum’s fit everything in because I barely have time for myself now.

A Friend

Hey guys 👋🏽

I was speaking with a friend the other day and we were both reflecting on how quickly the days seem to pass us by and how it feels as though there’s just not enough time in any given day to accomplish everything we feel we ‘need to do’, which led my friend to make the above statement.

Honestly, I used to have the same mindset. Before becoming a parent, from the age of 21 I was in full-time employment, working Monday to Friday. During the week, I was almost always too burnt out to do much outside of work. Obviously I did the essentials around the house but always liked to keep it chilled on weekdays, with the odd ‘dinner with the girls’ as the exception.

This meant that I would try to cram any lengthy tasks or extravagant excursions into 2 days — the weekend! It’s safe to say that this was a recipe for disaster as I’d often be getting my stuff ready for work on a Sunday night feeling run ragged and like I hadn’t given myself any time to rest. I’m all for making the most of the one life we have but the feelings of pure regret truly did begin to creep in come stupid-o’-clock on Monday morning when the mocking chime of my alarm began to sound. “Whyyyyy?!”

How funny it is now to look back on those times and think about how much energy I actually had. I would always complain of feeling tired back in those days, but it’s laughable to me now — I didn’t even know the meaning of the word.

I was getting regular periods of uninterrupted sleep for starters. In fairness I did work full-time which should not be underestimated at all as this can be extremely draining especially depending on the occupation, however once the clock struck 5pm; the world was mine for the taking! My time was entirely my own to pick and choose what I did, or did not do with it.

Becoming a Mum has already taught me so much, but one of life’s most important lessons motherhood has taught me is the true value of time! My timekeeping skills used to be diabolical at one stage. To say I had no concept of time would be a tad harsh, however the concept of time that I did have was very poor and inconsistent. It’s not that I didn’t care about being on time, time just always ran away with me and I’d never start getting ready early enough, or wait too long to set out. Now I realise my problem was that contrary to my beliefs at this stage in my life, I clearly had far too much time on my hands and time to waste at that!

Now that I have a whole extra human being to take care of and whose needs I put above my own instinctively, unquestioningly and without hesitation, time is truly of the essence. The whole concept of time and especially free time has taken on a whole new meaning. There is no option to leisurely take all of the time in the world getting ready if I have somewhere to be. It’s a case of carefully planning ahead of time (yet still feeling like you’ve been thrown together, now matter how far in advance you plan) and getting yourself out of the door the first chance you get.

Likewise, this makes it a lot easier to prioritise things in order of importance. There’s no question that your child is always going to be your first priority and take up the vast majority of your time. Next thing on the list: there is usually a back log of tasks you’ve had to either leave half done because your child wasn’t cooperating at the time, or things that weren’t practical to try and do whilst your child was awake.

On the rare occasion that you have some free time, there are usually two choices — am I going to be productive or do I just want to switch off and relax? The answer to this question will depend largely on the kind of day/week you’ve had up until this point.

The conversation I had with my friend got me thinking about the importance of reevaluating our ‘to-do’ lists and how essential it is for us all to fine-tune our priorities — despite what stage in our lives we may be at.

Don’t get me wrong, some people prefer to go with the flow and take every day as it comes, getting done what they get done and leaving everything else for another day. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this approach to life, if it suits you and your lifestyle then that’s totally fine.

However, for anyone who feels like they don’t have enough time and day after day is passing you by and you’re ‘not getting enough done’ ask yourself: “is this really a priority?”. Rather than cramming another thing onto your ever-growing and alarmingly long to-do list, have a think about what tasks can be removed to take off some of the pressure.

We all like to think we are using our time wisely by forcing ourselves to plan our every waking moment, doing things we’ve been conditioned to believe are productive and whilst some things may be worth doing; it’s more valuable to do less things that serve more of a purpose in the long run. This can be in relation to our professional life, personal life or in terms of making a positive contribution to our well-being.

Don’t let outside pressures get inside of your head. It’s not for anyone else to determine how you should be utilising your time. Only you can decide what serves you and has a significant impact on your life versus what you are happy to live without.

Thanks for reading guys,

Vicky ✌🏽 xo

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The secret to staying happy during a pandemic!

Hey guys!

How is it already September? And what a weird and wacky year it has been so far!

I feel like my ramblings must be starting to have an uncanny likeness to the sounds of a broken record just lately, however; during these unprecedented and uncertain times, my emotions have been up and down like a yo-yo.

I don’t mean to harp on, but I’m pretty confident that trying to live life through a pandemic has stirred up so many different emotions for so many people. In the last few months, I am sadly in amongst the masses of people who have recently faced redundancy. Having previously worked for a small business before going on maternity leave, in the midst of negotiating the terms of my return to work; my employer had to make my role redundant as my position was no longer feasible and unfortunately there were no other suitable roles within the company. So now like probably millions of others, it’s back to the drawing board for me.

On the flip side: whilst my partner’s employer was also reviewing redundancies within his workplace, we found out a few weeks back that he is lucky enough to be getting kept on, which provides us with some financial stability at least, for which we are extremely grateful.

It’s safe to say everyone is going through some sort of struggle at the hands of COVID. Whether they have been directly impacted (in the form of losing a loved one or contracting the virus themselves) or whether it is in a professional or psychological capacity — it’s fair to say that we are all starting to feel the strain in some way or another.

From my perspective; it’s the lack of control over what I am able to do with my life on a daily basis — even on the most basic level that constantly has me teetering on the brink of insanity.

Being forced to spend so much time indoors with a 1-year-old can be so suffocating at times. It’s a lot easier when the weather is cooperating, but if it’s too warm or raining then you’re options are even more limited.

I hate to seem like I am complaining because I can wholeheartedly declare that motherhood is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love my son unconditionally and love being a mother. But, whilst it’s great for us to be able to spend so much time together, the current limitations are not parent-friendly.

What do I mean by parent-friendly? Sometimes, I feel like as a parent you’re expected to be able to constantly run on low, or no battery whilst simultaneously maintaining the patience of a saint. It’s like forgetting to plug your phone in when you go to sleep at night and waking up surprised that the battery is now dead. Likewise, as a human-being; if you are unable to recharge your battery and get even the basic level of rest and nourishment required, then you will not be able to function, or only at a very poor level.

Flashback to pre-pandemic/lockdown life – I would be able to go out and do things with my son on a daily basis to keep him active and stimulated and help expel some of his seemingly endless supply of energy. But being stuck indoors a lot more, means that I’m having to constantly think up different ways of keeping him occupied and stimulated. Also factor in the aspect that he is now a lot more active and inquisitive as he is walking and I’m forever exhausted!

Exhaustion is one thing, but then add sleep deprivation to the list as his teething has had him waking in the night again and it’s just a recipe for emotional disaster.

It’s so bittersweet as my son is a complete and utter Mummy’s boy, which is absolutely adorable at times. But he has always been a very clingy and demanding child. Although he is much more independent than he was when he was younger and of course we encourage him to be independent and don’t always give in when he has his tantrums, but he just wants my undivided attention 24/7. I try to rationalise that he is obviously a lot more needy as he’s in a lot of pain and discomfort and he is still very much a baby, but especially in recent weeks, my patience levels have been running on empty and it makes me feel very guilty and at times just plain miserable.

What gets me through times like that is remembering he will not be so young and needy forever. At the moment, I am his entire world and that is such a privilege and a blessing. Once he grows up and gains more independence and understanding that there is more to life, off he’ll go and I will most definitely miss it. However, it’s easy to say that when things have calmed down, but harder to remember when you’ve got someone constantly whinging in your ear, unaware of when you’re having a bad day and in need of some self-care.

But that is the key to maintaining some semblance of our sanity during these abnormal and undependable times. Taking out some much needed time for ourselves. Whatever our woes may be or the testing times we may be facing in our lives. My struggle of late has been the struggle of motherhood during a pandemic, but we are all battling against something.

In addition, I truly believe the key to happiness is a positive mindset. It’s too easy to allow negativity to consume us. For example, if we have had a string of bad days and have not given ourselves some time outside of a gloomy environment to collect our thoughts, realign our minds and open ourselves back up to restoring positive energy and improving our mood, then of course we will continue to feel unhappy.

Lately, if ever l find myself feeling overwhelmed or at the end of my tether, one of the ways that I have been managing my emotions is by keeping a list of positive things I have to be grateful for in life, or things that I like about myself. That way on my toughest days, I have something uplifting to refer back to, to give me the strength to turn things around!

That said, I’m sure I’m not the only person who is trying to get scouted as the newest member of The Avengers and really thinks they can take on the world some days! I cannot stress the importance of always setting aside some time out to allow yourself to relax.

Whether that means taking an hour to have a nice relaxing pamper session, taking some time out to switch off in front of the TV with your favourite snacks and film; getting stuck into a good book, or on a much more simple (but just as effective) level; having some quiet time alone to collect your thoughts — whatever it is that floats your boat and restores your balance.

As lonely as life can often feel, none of us are in this alone. It can be hard to reach out and sometimes it may seem difficult to see a light at the end of the tunnel, but for every bad or challenging day, a great day is guaranteed to be waiting right around the corner! Although there are still limitations to what we can do socially, pick up the phone and reach out to a loved one, make some plans and give yourself something to look forward to!

Most importantly, just allow yourself to be happy!

Thanks for reading guys,

Vicky ✌🏽 xo

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