Take a moment to gain some perspective…

Hey guys 👋🏽

Lately, in relation to social media, I’ve felt like a victim of relentless attacks of negativity upon negativity. At one point every time I picked up my phone to browse on social media, I came away feeling drained and deflated. To be honest, I partially blame myself for getting sucked in, as particularly before the pandemic, I was barely ever on my phone, besides using it for its basic texting and phone call purposes.

After months of being isolated, I noticed myself slipping into bad habits and only when things started taking a toll on my mental health and well-being, did I realise I needed to take a step back and remember why I never spent a lot of time on social media in the first place.

Before the lockdown, I would forever be on the go. This year I’ve been on maternity leave, so me and my Son would always be hitting up baby groups, going to classes or arranging play dates with friends. We had a great social life, but by the end of the week, I did often feel a bit burnt out.

Honestly, I have always been a stay at home person. I love being in my own space and company (and now the company of my infant-sized shadow) and have never felt the need to constantly see other people. I can always find ways to keep myself entertained, especially now I have a little person to constantly keep me on my toes. With this in mind, I haven’t struggled with being on lockdown in terms of running out of things to do.

Personally, I think in many ways being on lockdown has been a blessing in disguise for me. Of course, it also comes with a list of cons – namely: being restricted and not having the freedom to choose whether you want to stay in or go out. But in the spirit of positivity, I feel that in terms of personal growth and familial development, it has done us the world of good.

On the other hand, one of the things that nobody tells you about having a baby — especially as a woman — is that life as you know it will NEVER be the same. Yes, people are always saying ‘you’ll never get a moment’s peace again’, but on a deeper level, as a mother your life is literally turned upside down.

From the time I was pregnant my hormones were all over the place and little did I know that was only the beginning. Nothing prepares you for the out of body experience you are faced with after you deliver your baby, once all of the excitement and adrenaline settles down, when you take your baby home you feel an immense and suffocating pressure that you are now responsible for keeping this vulnerable, innocent and defenceless little ball of perfection safe and alive.

Despite having an unbelievably patient, supportive and loving partner, I found myself feeling utterly alone. I felt as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders and all of the expectation was on me to prove that I was fine and instantly ready to bounce back and straight into action. It was as if everybody was watching my every move under a microscope, judging me and waiting for me to fail. I looked for a hidden meaning in the most innocent comments, I felt as though I couldn’t turn any visitors away even though I was so weak from my labour (and you know the 9 months carrying my Son prior), I just felt like I had something to prove, to show that I was worthy and strong enough to call myself a good mother. Most of all, forever hearing that deafening voice in the back of my mind asking: ‘will I ever feel like myself again.’ I felt such an unwavering pressure to ‘be myself’ and ‘feel normal’ again.

Just over 11 months later and I am finally, truly feeling like myself again. I have always been an extremely confident person, so it was most difficult for me to go from being so self-assured, to being filled with so much self-doubt. But after speaking to all of the Mum’s in my life, I started to realise that everything I experienced in those early days was absolutely ‘normal’ and something that many other Mum’s have experienced too.

However, what’s disappointing is that in all of the antenatal classes and pregnancy books and even when speaking with midwives and health visitors, they deceitfully downplay and in some cases completely omit the whirlwind of emotions and physical exhaustion you go through for a long while after having a baby, so how are you supposed to know what ‘normal’ is? Annoyingly midwives and health visitors can also prove to be unhelpful as the advice you receive can be contradictory or they flippantly brush off many of your concerns and unless you are showing obvious signs of postnatal depression and as long as your baby is developing healthily, everything gets put down to ‘teething problems’ and although they reassure you it’s ‘normal’, it doesn’t help you feel like it.

Of course everybody’s experience is going to be different based on personal circumstances and also who they are as a person, but it would be nice to have been warned beforehand to confirm that I wasn’t in fact losing my mind, I was simply going through the motions and dealing with the aftermath of having a baby!

Now, it’s almost like I’ve been reborn as a new and improved version of myself. I realise now that I can be a Mum, but still be me – it doesn’t have to be a choice. I’m the same, but different in a good way and that’s absolutely fine, none of that wretched (but seemingly unavoidable) Mum-guilt necessary.

My partner was furloughed quite early on into the lockdown for almost 2 months, so although we have a great ethic of teamwork within my household anyway, it was an absolute godsend having everybody on the same schedule so all baby-related duties could be more evenly distributed. Although, free-time is very limited when caring for an 11 month old (especially during lockdown), in comparison to how busy my days were before, the round-the-clock assistance for that 2 months freed up my time immensely.

For a few months now, I’ve been at the stage where I’m ready to regain my fitness and regain my pre-pregnancy slimmer and more toned body. Luckily, I didn’t gain much weight whilst pregnant, but any Mum can tell you that your sense of self, particularly body-image, takes a massive dive after having a baby. Throughout the course of lockdown, one of my besties has been doing a lot of live workouts on Instagram, so that was a great way to give me a taste for being active again.

Next, I completed a 30-day Abs & Squat Challenge, using a template sent to me by my Auntie. By that time, I was ready for something more permanent and a lifestyle change. Over the last 4-5 weeks I’ve started using the FiiT app, completing a minimum of 2 workouts a week alongside general toning exercises and it is just the thing I needed! I would highly recommend the app for anyone wanting to incorporate regular exercise into a hectic and perhaps restricted schedule. They have workouts suitable for all levels/capabilities and there are so many different classes to choose from.

Without my partner being off of work, I wouldn’t have had the headspace or the energy to think about starting to exercise regularly again. Also, as they say, it’s always easiest to maintain something once you get into a regular routine. So that’s something positive to have come out of this pandemic for me.

Also I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a thousand times. I have found this time with my family absolutely priceless. It is absolutely beautiful to be able to have the three of us all together so often. My partner is also my best friend and although we generally get along very well anyway, we haven’t had the chance to annoy each other too much as we’ve been preoccupied aiding the development of our beautiful blessing of a Son and watching him flourish and grow before our very eyes.

It doesn’t get much better than that!

Thanks for reading guys,

Vicky ✌🏽 xo

• Motivational Instagram Page